We're almost there. You have brainstormed and narrowed. You have developed background and context. You now have a thesis statement... you now have a point of focus. So, what happens next?The reader should have a clear idea about where you are going by now. Your introduction has directed them in a certain way... now take the reader that way. Don't change direction and confuse the reader. You need to follow up your thesis with logical, interesting, and well-developed ideas. The ideas should be arranged in a thoughtful order. Each idea should be equally developed.
This requires some careful and creative planning, because communicating in writing is different from any other medium. You only have one chance. You can't stop and say "oh... what I mean is..." No. The words on the page is what you mean.
In this journal blog, share what happens next in your essay. Remember to include your ID# and Section # in your post. Aj. M
ID : 5680883
ReplyDeleteThere are going to be 3 body paragraphs in my essay about how the lion became the king of the jungle. My first body paragraph will be about the strength of the lions. Lions are very strong and fast in their physical skills. None of animals could defeat lions in fighting. The second body paragraph probably will be about their royalty. We could apparently see from its appearance that lions look very royal, most royal in the jungle. So, basically this paragraph will discuss about lions personality and appearance mostly. And the third paragraph which is the last will be about will be about lion's thought. i have heard that lions are very clever compared to other animals. They live together in a herd. They hunt their victims intelligently together. So, these might be the reasons why lions are called the "king of the jungle".
ps. It will be more specific and better after I have my research about lions done.
You know that lions are not actually "royalty", right? You know that this a human title and not anything real about the jungle, right?
DeleteThis essay will only be successful if your ideas are supported by sources. I cannot just be about your feelings about the lion.
ID 5681057, Section 3
ReplyDeleteThe essays is about Konstantin E. Tsiolkovsky, and the essay would have 3 body paragraphs.
Paragraph 1 presents his ideas and works for rocketry and space exploration. The paragraph emphasizes that his idea were very unique at his time, but very similar to today's real devices.
Paragraph 2 is about his background including his hearing difficulties and self studying. How he became interested in space exploration and how he got his unique imagination are explained in this paragraph.
Paragraph 3 shows his influences on young scientists and development of space exploration. The paragraph will have some examples of influenced scientists such as Sergey Korolyov. Also, Tsiolkovsky's philosophy will be talked in this paragraph with his phrases.
This looks ok. The weak paragraph looks to be Paragraph 2. There seems to be too many ideas there. Is it about his disabilities? Or is is about his unique imagination? Are they related somehow?
DeleteID:5680583
ReplyDeleteMy essay is about the affect on thai tourism by the anti-government protest, natural disaster, and the military coup. For my first paragraph, I will talk about how the protest affect on the tourism, and I will give the example of the event that cause the problem. The second paragraph, I will mention about the natural disaster that happened in the past and the damage of this event that cause the problem for thai tourism because the traveller were afraid of coming to thailand at that time. For my last body paragraph, I will talk about the recently event about the military coup that affect on thai society and all the traveller because it was very inconvenience to went out at night.
I think what we discussed in class will work. If we start with the natural disasters, that will be good to then make the transition to the political issues, the protests and the coup.
DeleteID: 5681046
ReplyDeleteMy essay going to be about Adolf Hitler actions during WWll and his successful speeches. This essay will contain 3 paragraphs.
First paragraph : Present about his speeches that won German's heart and accept him as a leader and how he get rid of the previous government.
Second paragraph : To show how is he able to convince his whole army to start the WWll and what actions did he use to form allies with Italy, Russia and Japan.
Last paragraph : This paragraph is to indicate what its mean by "Age of terror". His actions against Jewish and terrible aftermath since he became the leader of Nazi party.
The challenge for you is to stay focused. Your focus is the speeches...
DeleteID: 5681044 Sec: 6
ReplyDeleteOutline
1. It affects to thai big companies
- Singha (what it did, how much did it spend, why, how, it help singha become international brand, sell beer at Old Trafford, )
- True (Vision MUTV)
- A.P. Handa ()
2. It affects to this local businesses
- Retailers
- Restaurants (Thai food...)
- Night Club
3. It affects to Thailand’s marketing
- True (sim card)
- Krungsri Bank (debit card)
- Euro Custard Cake
This looks good to me. These ideas are clear. Do you think the order is correct?
DeleteID:5681094 sec:6
ReplyDeleteMy essay is about McDonald's advertising that affect on children, which has 3 paragraphs
1. Commercial
- advertising on a certain of time such as sunday morning
- advertising frequently so that kids get familiar with the brand
2. Toys
- Happy meal - Disney toys from media, cartoons, movies.
- McDonald character
Playzone
-parents can take rest while their kids are running around
-most restaurant does not have playzone
3. Events
- Birthday parties
- world cup
- Christmas
This works well. The ideas are appropriate. What do you think about the order? Is it the most effective?
DeleteID: 5681052 section6
ReplyDeleteThesis: What are the effects and influences that celebrities have on teenagers that lead to eating disorder, depression, and insecurity in Thailand.
1. Medias and advertisement
- Media’s focus on dieting and striving for a slim
- Images communicated through mass media are unrealistic ex. airbrushing and altering in order to achieve an image of perfection
- Many magazines create images of women that don’t actually exist, the use of computer-modified
- A number of actors and actresses have admitted to struggling with eating disorders
- 50% of commercials aimed at women mention physical attractiveness.
2. Body image and imitation
- negative body image
- low self esteem
- images in our culture suggest that beauty is equated with thinness for females and a muscular body for males.
- teenagers dream to be skinny and imitate it
3. Culture
- An over-emphasis on appearance
- Societal beauty standards that promote an unrealistically thin body shape
- Associating thinness with positive qualities like attractiveness, health, success and love
- Messages that view a fear of fat and food like viewing fat as undesirable or foods as bad.
This look like quite a huge essay. I think the narrowing should focus on teenage girls instead of teenagers generally. Right?
DeleteMy essay is about electronic music and I will focus on musician, Avicii. How he became the influential world musician and what make him be a signature.
ReplyDeleteFirst paragraph: History of electronic music (innovation and evaluation).
Second paragraph: I will focus on Avicii (song,reward,feedback,performance,style)
Last paragraph: future of electronic music and Avicii (technology, Avicii's reputation and inspired by Avicii)
This works... the challenge for you is to describe the music. From your words, the reader should be able to understand (hear?) the changes and evolution of electronic music through Avicii.
DeleteThe journal blog is now closed. Thank you for your participation. Aj. M
ReplyDelete