We are on our way. You have worked through the narrowing process and you have attempted a draft at an introduction. By now, your thesis statement should be fairly clear, so the reader should know where we are going... right?It is actually quite difficult to keep our point. Any of us knows the the feeling after we've been talking for a while to then think aloud... "what was I saying again?" This is the challenge of academic work. It is to state your point and never lose it. To dig deep into it and keep going without getting distracted by other ideas that may seem related, but nevertheless are not doing anything to further undersand the task at hand.
What happens next? Describe the 3 or 4 supporting ideas for your thesis statement, and explain the order in which you plan to present them. We are nearing the end of the term, so lets get this planning done now while we still have time to be thoughtful.
Include your ID# in your post. Aj. M
Jimmy - 5681037
ReplyDeleteMy topic is the Sex Tourism In Thailand.
I want to describe about the possible impact that can cause by sex tourism. I will separate them in to 3 paragraphs. The first one will talk about the effect on foreigner perspective that they would see Thailand as the land of prostitution. The second describe the effect on people(female) that most female in the well known places are considered as prostitute. The last one will talk about the effect on tourism that tourist might offer sex instead of focussing on the beautiful culture of Thailand.
The first two ideas sound excellent. The third idea is the weakest one. It seems too similar to your first idea. I wonder if there is an effect on Thai people more generally. It is true that Thailand is sadly famous for this industry, and I have always been confused about how it seems to be ignored by Thai people and government. Would it be good to have one paragraph about the responsibility (or lack of) of Thai people/government/police from dealing with it? What do you think?
DeleteThank you teacher.
Delete5780204
ReplyDeleteMy topic is about fame
In my essay, I will describe about life and career of one specific celebrity that caught paparazzi's attention. The first paragraph I will give some background about his/her life and career in order to create a picture in reader's mind. Then, I will create a beautiful picture in reader's mind about the peak of his/her career and life in the second paragraph. Lastly, I will shock readers by talking about his/her meltdown. Is it effective?
Ok... Now is this essay the story of of a celebrity's life? Or is this essay about the role of the media in ruining a young star's career?
Delete5780228 (PIM)
ReplyDeleteIs sugar free, free for dieters.
Body#1 the substance in sugar free can create residue that can lead to cancer
Body#2 sugar free is not free calories/ most people have a incorrect idea about sugar free, they think that they can consume as much as they want, but they didn't careful about the calories.
Body#3 talking about the advantages of sugar free in short term effect
Refutation: the long term effect of sugar free.
This looks good... Do you think the order is the best way? Would Idea 3 be better to use first? What do you think?
Delete5780198 NinG :)
ReplyDeleteMy topic is about "German beer"
Body#1 How each local area produces different beer
Body#2 Germans can drink beer anywhere, anytime, 16 year-old are allowed to drink, very cheap (advantages)
Body#3 Beer festival
This looks ok, but be careful about body 2... There are laws in Germany about drinking... Quite strict ones. And it is important to note that there isn't more alcoholism or drinking and driving.... It is a responsible drinking culture, which can be the focus of body 2.
Delete5780247
ReplyDeleteThis essay is about social media marketing
The first body, I will explain about influence of social media on youth. The second and third I will illustrate and describe small and large businesses, which use social network successfully to reach their customers' targets and promote & advertise their businesses.
I wonder about reconsidering idea 1. Don't lose the business idea. Maybe you want to think about changing attitudes about shopping online.
Delete5780195
ReplyDeleteMy topic is about Shinkansen
Body#1 How Shinkansen affects to Japan's economy
Body#2 Shinkansen has more energy efficiency and save energy
Body#3 a little bit about affect to environment (low carbon) and society (change people's daily life and help their business, employment / both relate to economy)
Body 1 is actually a very big idea. I wonder if your essay can focus on three aspects of the economy that are improved by this train system.
Delete5780216
ReplyDeleteWearable device: fashion or function?
Body 1: First generation of wearable devices that fashion was not a factor of the design.
Body 2: Logic of people for buying wearables - social pressure.
Body 3: fashion influence people to buy products -> advertisement, famous people and artist that using gadgets
I'm not sure about Body 1. Fashion and function is not a new idea. The pen is a kind of technology used for writing, but they have been designed to be more fashionable. The pocket or wrist watch is a technology that is a fashionable accessory. Seeing glasses also... it might be useful to talk about this.
Delete5780226
ReplyDeleteMy topic is the ethics of execution
My thesis statement is to illustrate some perspectives of several groups
My background paragraph consists with history of Thai's execution that included the question that when and why this punishment started and be banned, and the methods
Body1# the position of the legal profession , the national human rights commision
Body2# prisoners themselves and their relative,the authorities,public opinion
Body3# religious authorities
This is interesting and thoughtful. You are at risk of losing control of it, so work to stay focused. When you say the "legal profession"... this varies from country to country with regards to capital punishment. Choose your sources carefully, so they stay relevant to your topic.
DeleteID: 5780240
ReplyDeleteMy topic : Positive thinking
My thesis statement is the benefits of positive thinking.
Body#1 : Positive thinking helps our brain to produce the hormones of happiness (Endorphin) more easily, and secure people from stress and depression.
Body#2 : Positive thinking help people to improve their skills of work, learning, communication, and sociality.
This looks good. But you may want one more paragraph to discuss the factors that cause depression or other mood disorders.
Delete5680944
ReplyDeletemy topic is cosmetic surgery in Korea
B.1#how it important
B.2#how it can related to the economic
B.3#examples.
This is incomplete. I can't give feedback without more explanation.
Delete5780194
ReplyDeleteMy topic is about Muay-Thai
Body 1 importance and relation of Muay-Thai in Thai society(mostly describe about poor people in the countryside)
Body 2 how it spread to be exercise(fitness) for wealthy people(in Bangkok)
Body 3 how it would affect Thai society and how it different from the past
First of all... I don't think your topic is just about muay thai. Its more specific than that... right? Body 3 looks like the weaker one. Why not talk about muay thai in modern Thailand... specifically among the wealthier classes who never used to pay much attention to it. What do you think?
Delete5681022
ReplyDeletemy topic is about 13th amendment
my first body will be background history of civil war
my second third and fourth body will be about 13th amendment story through history timeline
This is incomplete. It is difficult to give feedback because you are going to need to be very careful and intelligent about how you select what moments in history you want to describe. You're not writing a book.
DeleteThis journal blog is now closed. Thank you for your participation. Aj. M
ReplyDelete