For this piece, you will need 2-3 body paragraph ideas that help to explore your narrowed topic in some depth. Develop, develop, develop, and don't stop developing. Use sources and examples and quotations to help you to develop, so that your points are as strong and as believable and as helpful as they can be. This is really the key to good academic work.In this journal blog, share for us, "what happens next." What are the body ideas you expect to use to follow from your well-narrowed thesis statement.
Remember to include your ID# in your post. Aj. M
My first body would be about what is the fundamental thing that lead Japanese to become otaku, what is otaku, and I will give some of particular example of what otaku do. Moreover, I would talk about the Japan economic that many otaku consume anime product. My second body would be about why Japanese society hate otaku. The reason and the action that led them being hate. The old traditional people that does not accept sub culture like otaku. Reason that female found otaku creepy. Mostly about why are they being discriminated from Japanese society. I also want to talk about how modern Japanese react to otaku since otaku were generalize as geek and nerd from the past and people continue to believe on that method. All in all, I think I would have only 2 paragraph but deep in detail of it.
ReplyDeleteID#5880145
Ok... but make sure that the ideas are clearly distinct. So, we have a background paragraph, why people become otaku, and the traditionalists who discriminate agains them.
DeleteMy first body paragraph will be about the negative aspects of illegal plastic surgery. Moreover, i will be presenting about the diseases that patients can get. Secondly, my essay will include about how illegal clinics take advantages from poor people. Furthermore, i will present about what tricks that illegal clinics use to attract poor people. Also how illegal clinics affect the image of Thailand. For example, foreigners might judge Thailand that Thailand might contain only illegal aspects.
ReplyDelete#5880054
This works, but I don't see the difference between Body 1 and Body 2. Reconsider this.
DeleteIn the first body paragraph I will explain about “the Pilates” and describe why she became really famous in the short period of time; due to the video that related to perfect body. In the second body, I will illustrate about her business, how she begin Business; Explanation of the products such as, her cloth lines and POP Pilates DVD. In the last body paragraph, I will explain how she sells her product on YouTube and her strategy.
ReplyDeleteID#: 5880228
Ok. This works. So, this essay looks like it is the story of a person, not really about exercise or social media. Is this correct?
DeleteMy first body paragraph would be about what is Thai boxing. Then, I will how it became Thai boxing. Moreover, it will be about why people around the world know this sport and how it became popular for foreigner. Secondly, it will show the benefit for player from doing Thai Boxing. Lastly, this part will give some example to support the benefit and point why Thai boxing become popular among many people.
ReplyDeleteID:5880204
Is this essay about why Thai boxing has become popular (Thai boxing has been popular for a very long time). But popular with who? Are there new kinds of people trying boxing as an alternative exercise?
DeleteIn my first paragraph, I will describe about why people did not like Nelson Mandela in the past, but when time passed people had changed their mind to love and respect him. Why he became the most beloved person until today. Also, in the second body, I will write about after changing in what Mandela did; how it different. To illustrate, why people still remember him a little bit. ID # 5880219
ReplyDelete"A little bit" is a problem. He is very well-remembered. But the overall organization here is quite good.
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ReplyDeleteThe first body paragraph of my essay will explain about the observing and seeing of Sherlock Holmes. Holmes has an ability to observe tiny detail that other might not notice and his observation lead him to understand the characteristic of someone. For example, the hound of the Baskervilles which wrote by Arthur Connan Doyle, Sherlock Holmes be able to describe Dr James Mortimer after look at Dr. Mortimer walking stick even though he never met Dr. Mortimer before.
ReplyDelete“There emerges a young fellow under thirty, amiable, unambitious, absent-minded, and the possessor of a favourite dog, which I should describe roughly as as being larger than a terrier and smaller than a mastiff. The dog has been in the habit of carrying this stick behind his master. Being a heavy stick the dog has held it tightly by the middle, and the marks of his teeth are very plainly visible. The dog's jaw, as shown in the space between these marks, is too broad in my opinion for a terrier and not broad enough for a mastiff. It may have been – yes, by Jove it is a curly-haired spaniel.” (Doyle Arthur C.,1902). In the second paragraph I will write about Sherlock Holmes deduction. Sherlock Holmes is well-know as having a unique deduction as he is capable of analyzing evidence to find murders.
# 5880192
Ok... it looks like you're very well prepared for the first body paragraph but less for 2nd and 3rd body. I hope for balance here.
DeleteI will write about Mother Teresa's background in the first body paragraph including her childhood and why she decided to become a nun. In the second body paragraph, I will write about her work to help and support poor and sick people in India. ID:5880217
ReplyDeleteThis is ok, but it looks pretty thin. I hope you have a lot of good detail and research to reach 1000 words here.
DeleteIn the first paragraph, I will mention Leonardo da Vinci’s illustration of the fetus, and in the supporting idea, I’m going to tell when did the his private notebook , which is the drawing of the fetus, was found and describe the picture of the fetus. Also, adding the info of after his discovery of the fetus. For example, he discover that the umbilical cord was consisted of vessel, the passage of the blood to heart, and his portraying of fetus illustrates the location of the umbilical cord and placenta. Another paragraph, I will mention his illustration of the heart, and for the supporting idea, I will write about the time during his investigation of the heart, what he discovered, what happened during his process of the drawing. The last paragraph, I will write about human skull. In supporting idea, I’m going to describe how he discover the bone, teeth, the consequence of his discoveries, what methods did he use to success his experiments.
ReplyDeleteID: 5880211
You have been thoughtful here. This works well. Keep going.
DeleteThe first body paragraph is about doing what you are really interested in which has Larry Page as an example. In the second body paragraph, I will present about environment of your home is also important because it can help children to decide what they want to do when they grow up. In the last body paragraph, I will talk about creativity. Larry Page used what he interest in such as music and computer to develop speed of Google. These can show that he is creative.
ReplyDeleteID: 5880203
The focus of this essay still remains unclear. What is the point or aspect about Larry Page that you hope to show or explore? The logic between these ideas seems unclear.
DeleteMy first paragraph is explaining the step about how the inspiration comes to people’s mind, how people who want to be successful in business can apply this inspiration to their life, and giving some example of successful businessman— Howard Schultz. The second paragraph will be about the details of Howard Schultz’s life before becoming in an important part of Starbucks’ company. Moreover, this paragraph will give some details about what is the bad situation he has encountered and how he thought and figured out it.
ReplyDeleteID: 5880186
Be careful. Is this a story about how a business man overcame some problems in developing his very successful business? Or is this about inspiration? You need to focus this.
DeleteThesis: There are some truths that the scientists cannot ignore why an action such animal testing should be banned.
ReplyDeleteMy first paragraph will show how the scientists test cosmetic or drug on animal, and this paragraph will analyze that the experiment is wrong in terms of animal right and ethical as well. Another paragraph will indicate that animal testing is useless with the percentage and some example to support this point. My last body paragraph will explain that animal testing give wrong result because human totally differ from animal.
ID:5880230
So be clear about the "some truths" that you mention in the thesis statement. Each paragraph should describe a "truth".
DeleteI will start the first paragraph with the idea of how people with poor education success and then follow by a couple paragraph of successful people such as Steve Jobs. For the last paragraph, I will talk about what is one quality necessary for success.
ReplyDelete5880205
Because of stories like Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg, there has been a small trend among some people who say education is not necessary to be wealthy and successful. When you say "one quality"... state the quality. What is it? This could really be the point of your whole essay.
DeleteI will start with first paragraph by comparing faclities in the Airbus A 380 and the Boeing 747-400. I will use the first class facilities to compare each other. Moreover, the second paragraph, I will compare the efficiency of the Airbus A380 and the Boeing 747-400. for example, i will use the carbon emission that these two planes release it out. ID#5880137
ReplyDeleteThere seems to be little logic between the first and second paragraph. I would recommend that you focus on either first class facilities or the emissions standards. Not both in one essay or else it will be too wide in range.
DeleteThe journal blog is now closed. Thank you for your participation. AJ. M
ReplyDeleteIn my body paragraph, i would start with the safety of mercedes and how mercedes's car could decrese the number of deaths. For second body paragrapv, the convinence in car is well known for mercedes, and lastly is fuel. How the innovation of mercedes could reduce the fuel while they're driving.
ReplyDelete5880128
My first body paragraph would be about what is Thai boxing. Then, I will how it became Thai boxing. Moreover, it will be about why people around the world know this sport and how it became popular for foreigner. Secondly, it will show the benefit for player from doing Thai Boxing. Lastly, this part will give some example to support the benefit and point why Thai boxing become popular among many people.
ReplyDeleteID:5880204